There Isn't One Way to Be a Girl

So I came across this tumblr post yesterday, and after chatting with one of my CPs about it, it got me thinking.

http://bethrevis.tumblr.com/post/116119181047/this-is-what-frustrates-me-people-dont-like

On one hand, I agree with the quote and the article it came from. I think oftentimes, in books and TV shows and movies, the women who are praised for being strong often do tend to be more masculine than the traditional “norm.” From Katniss to Arya, Mulan to Daenerys, Tris to Black Widow, the image of strong female characters almost always feature girls who (literally) kick ass, and hide their emotions, and rebel against gender conformity. Girls who, conversely, are more feminine tend to come under fire for being too passive, too “girly,” too emotional, too implicitly weak. 

But being feminine and being strong are not mutually exclusive, and I definitely agree with everything said about Sansa in that post. 

On the other hand, I don’t want to come down on gender nonconforming girls either, because they stand as a societal reminder that there’s no one way to be a girl. And that’s something that even now in my twenty-somethings, I’m still re-teaching myself.

Photo credit: Jemimus on Flickr

As a not-traditionally-feminine girl who grew up in a household with a very feminine mother and two very feminine sisters, it was, and still is, refreshing to me to see girls embracing themselves, even when that person doesn't necessarily conform to gender norms. I didn't until just recently ask myself why, for example, Mulan was hands-down my favorite Disney princess and the only one I ever identified with and I suspect it was because she was a strong princess who didn’t look or act like what you'd expect from a princess. She hated dresses (as a kid, so did I!), and rolled her eyes at her mother’s attempts to make her appear more girly (*cough*), and she did everything the guys did and no one could stop her (it will be a surprise to no one, I think, that my favorite sport has always been martial arts). 

It wasn’t until recently that I really began to embrace myself, even when that person wasn’t as girly as years of dresses, skirts, and frilly blouses insinuated I should be. It wasn’t until a year or so ago that I realized I could like makeup, and nail polish, and earrings and yes, even dresses, but also like (very) short hair, and hoodies, and jeans, and blazers, and graphic tees, and beanies. For years I had this idea in my head that being a girl meant liking all the girly, frilly things and because the clothes I often wanted to wear were decidedly less feminine, there must be something wrong with my taste and style. 

There isn’t one way to be a girl, and there isn’t a wrong way to be a girl, either. Girls can be feminine and masculine simultaneously. Girls can be emotional black belts, stoic fashionistas and make-up wearing sword-wielders. Girls can show strength in different ways—whether it’s through Sansa’s controlled political-savviness or Arya’s daring courage. Feminine, masculine and strong can all be used to describe girls—or even the same girl, and I want to see representation of them all. 

There are limitless varieties of girls, and every single one of us deserve to see ourselves as a heroine. We are complicated, and layered, and contradictory, and we are raw, and real, and here. 

What do you think? 

Twitter-sized bites:

"There are limitless varieties of girls, and every single one of us deserve to see ourselves as a heroine." (Click to tweet)  

.@Ava_Jae says there isn't one way to be a girl, or one way to be strong. What do you think? (Click to tweet)

Character Development Lessons from Game of Thrones

Photo credit: pullip_junk on Flickr

So about two months ago I finally did that thing everyone and their brother was telling me to do: I watched Game of Thrones.

While usually I’m the kind of person that prefers to read the books before watching the movie (or, in this case, TV show), as the A Song of Ice and Fire books didn’t really grab me when I tried to pick up the first one, I made an exception this time. And…well…

Okay fine, I’ll say it—I’m hooked. (Yes, yes, you were all right, congratulations everyone. *sigh*)

I’ve been thinking for a little bit about why I’ve been enjoying the series so much, and the answer, for me at least, lies in the characters. Because damn, GRRM writes crazy interesting characters. Even the totally despicable ones are fascinating in their own right, which really appeals to me.

And so, because the characters are so very well written, I think there are some lessons that we, as writers, can learn from them. So let’s take a look at what makes these characters so interesting.

• Every character has motivations, dreams, etc. What’s great about this is I’m not even talking about just the main ensemble characters—even minor characters, “evil” characters, and characters with short life spans are fully fleshed out with plans, dreams, desires, fears and powerful motivations. Whether it’s Olenna Tyrell (Margaery’s grandmother), Walder Frey, Renly Baratheon, or someone else, every character is layered and ridiculously well-developed. 


• No one is all good or all bad. Good characters make selfish decisions, and antagonistic characters have people they care about and base their decisions on (somewhat understandable) motivations. In fact, I’d say more characters fall somewhere in the gray area morality-wise than very good or very bad—which becomes especially interesting because you’re never quite sure how they’re going to behave. 


• Characters make mistakes. Fatal ones, in fact, that end up getting themselves (or people they care about…or both) killed. This is huge because not only does it humanize the characters (after all, who doesn’t make mistakes?) but it also makes us doubly worried about them when we know their decisions could go awry very very quickly. Which leads me to…


• Every character is in danger. This is sort of a controversial point about GoT, but I actually love it. Oftentimes, people go into a book (or series, or movie) assuming that the main “good” characters are going to emerge unscathed (or, you know, at least survive). No such assumptions can be made about GoT, which I weirdly like because it means I worry about everyone. It’s realistic (in the sense that no one is magically safe) and something I really admire about the series. 

Do you watch (or read) Game of Thrones? What lessons have you learned? 

Twitter-sized bite: 

Watch or read Game of Thrones? @Ava_Jae shares character development lessons to be learned from this popular series. (Click to tweet)