How (Not) to Support Your Favorite Authors

Photo credit: legdog on Flickr
I often talk about the writing aspect of the publishing world here at Writability, but today I’d like to do something a little different.

Today, I want to talk about readers. More specifically, the steps readers can take to be the most supportive, stupendously amazing fans in the history of absolutely 100% incredible fans. That’s a long title. We’ll call it MSSAFHA1IF because abbreviations are all the rage. 

Being the MSSAFHA1IF is easy! All you need to do is follow these seven easy steps, and you’ll be well on your way to being your favorite author’s best friend. 

How to be the MSSAFHA1IF (AKA: Most Awesomest Fan Ever to the Power of Infinity)*
  1. Illegally download their books. Who pays for ANYTHING nowadays? Besides, authors love it when you get their books for free, particularly when it’s through super-secret free channels. 

  2. Never leave reviews. I mean, it’s not like anyone actually reads book reviews, anyway.  

  3. Don’t tell anyone about what you’re reading. If they don’t already know about the awesome book you’re reading, then they don’t deserve to read it. Guard the knowledge of your precious with your life. 

  4. Be rude at author events. You know, refuse to leave the table when you get up there to sign, don’t actually buy a book, take loads of pictures and tell the other fans that they’re going to have to wait to get their book signed because the author loves you more than them.

  5. Be unenthusiastic when asked about their books. Being excited isn’t cool. When someone asks you if you liked a book, the last thing you want is to scare them away with your epic nerd factor. Instead, just give a noncommittal shrug and a “meh.” 

  6. Never reach out to the author. Authors don’t need your approval—they already know how awesome they are. 

  7. Don’t read their books in public. What if you drop the book in a puddle? Or forget it on a bus? Or lose it in a spontaneous fire? Or get food on it at that restaurant? Or spill coffee on it at Starbucks? The outside world is far too dangerous for books, and besides, you’re supposed to be protecting the knowledge of your precious, remember? 
*It’s sarcastic post day, again! Yay! Don’t do these things. Please. You’ll only break the hearts of every author ever. 

Are you an awesome fan? What so-called steps would you add to the list? 

Twitter-sized bites: 
Do you enjoy reading? Have a favorite author? Here are seven easy steps to (not) being a fantastic fan. (Click to tweet)
Are you a book lover? Here are seven steps to making your favorite author very (un)happy. (Click to tweet

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