How to Write Romance Well

Photo credit: vicki wolkins on Flickr
I received an interesting question over the weekend from a lovely reader (thanks, Robin) that uncovered an area that I haven't thoroughly discussed here at Writability. 

I'm talking about romance. 

I'll admit that I started this post with some trepidation, as I do not write genre romance. Now, that's not to say that I don't ever write romance—in fact, I often include a romantic subplot in my novels—but for me, romance isn't the core of the story, it's more of an enhancement. 

Nevertheless, even as a subplot, romance can go drastically wrong if not handled correctly, and so I still think it's important to discuss how to write it effectively. 

I suspect that romance in writing is something that every writer handles a little differently. For me, I usually establish what characters will be romantically involved before I write a word (with exception to instances where characters surprise me). At the very beginning of the writing process, I usually have a general sense of who the characters are, what they are like and a bit of their background, but I don't really get to know the true core of my characters until the writing begins. 

In my experience, the romantic subplots unfold much the same way—a natural growing relationship between two characters rather than a meticulously planned this then that plot. That's not to say that I don't plan it at all—I usually set down milestones while planning/outlining (first date, first kiss, etc.), but I try to be as flexible as possible while writing it. 

There are two dangers that I look out for when working out romantic relationships between characters:

  1. Forced love. I've written a post detailing the dangers of forced romance in writing, so I'm not going to dive into it here. What I will say, is that the danger of over-planning a romantic relationship between characters is this forced romance. It's pretty easy to tell if your characters are victim to this danger—the relationship between them will feel stiff and unnatural, and reaching those milestones will feel much more difficult than it should be. The romance should unfold naturally, so if you're fighting your characters to get them to like each other, that's a pretty good sign that you might want to reconsider your romantic subplot.

  2. Insta-love. This totally clever term was coined by one of my CPs, and I have stolen it (with permission) will be using it from here on out. Insta-love is a problem on the opposite side of the spectrum, and it's one that many writers often struggle with. Sometimes, when writing romance, we writers start to get a little impatient. We want to get to the good parts—the first kisses and the first l-word and those moments in romance that make our heart flutter. And sometimes, in our eagerness to get to the good stuff, we push our characters along a little too quickly. We end up with love at first sight and premature kisses and saying I love you so quickly that our readers get whiplash.

    The good news is that while this is a common problem, it's relatively easy to fix in revision. Your characters have chemistry—this is good—you just need to push on the brakes a little so it doesn't feel so sudden. Remember, most relationships don't form overnight, and if you want your readers to fall in love with your romance, you need to give them time, too. 
Once you've avoided those two major dangers, you can breathe easily knowing you're likely on the right track with your romance.

And for examples of particularly well-written romantic subplots, check out Graceling by Kristin Cashore and The Fault in Our Stars by John Green.  

What tips do you have for writing romance? Any book recommendations with well-written romantic elements?

19 comments:

Jeremy Feijten said...

Annoying Internet Explorer. I always have to use Firefox if I want to post a comment.

Anyway, glad you covered this topic! Comes in handy, since I'm writing a romantic short story at the moment. Mostly, I'm like you, though. Romance is no more (or less) than a subplot in my stories. However, that doesn't mean it's not important.

I don't think I've ever had problems with forced love. I love being a matchmaker, so I always have a pretty good idea of who to put together. That insta-love is more interesting to me. I should look out for that. I think I made that mistake in the past without really realising it.

Hermoine/Ron is also a good example of what you're describing :-)

Margaret Alexander said...

Insta-love is something I cringe at all too much. And it comes up again and again in YA novels, I've no idea why since it's so annoying. But you know. Agreed on forced love as well. Gradual development is always the best. Great post, Ava!

Ava Jae said...

Internet Explorer is the worst. Sorry about your troubles, though. :)


I've dealt with forced love twice. The second time I realized that I was wasting my energy forcing it and let it go--then I ended up with a romance with an unexpected character that turned out to be one of my favorite romances ever (that I've written). So. There's that.


Insta-love is a major problem--both in unpublished and published works. It's definitely something to keep an eye out for during revisions, and it's also something that's good to ask CPs to look out for if you suspect you may have fallen victim to it.


Finally, Hermione and Ron are EXCELLENT examples. Such a fun match. :)

Ava Jae said...

Thank you, Margaret! Yes, I too have found that the YA genre is particularly rife with insta-love. I've also found that you can usually spot it from the summary though--any time the summary starts talking about a stranger who the protag is inexplicably drawn to is often a red flag.

Rachel McClellan said...

The one thing I can't stand in YA love stories is the female character who thinks she's in love simply because the dude is protecting or obsessing over her (think Twilight). She doesn't ever stop to think, "Hey, how about I grow a pair of ovaries and protect myself?" Or at least the chick should learn to be strong and independent before relying on someone else. Great post!

J. A. Bennett said...

I always have the insta-love problem. I'm working on it :)

Hudson Kelly said...

Once again, beautiful post Ava! It got me wondering if my own manuscript had any of these in it.

Ava Jae said...

I know exactly what you mean. It bothers me, too. In the case of protection, it makes the female characters seem weak, and in the case of obsession...I don't really understand it. Obsession isn't sexy--it's scary. :/

Ava Jae said...

It's a common problem. Good luck!

Ava Jae said...

Thank you, Hudson! They're both issues that are fairly common and good to be aware about. I wish you the best of luck!

Robin Red said...

The answer hit me after I emailed you. I realized that a big deal with romance is intimacy, a connection. If the reader sees the mush and smut before without seeing the connection, he/she will discard it as fake. It's like when you're watching the Barefoot Contessa, and Ina Garten spends half an hour showing you how to make this wonderful dish, puts it in the oven for "an hour", then suddenly whips out the cooked meal a second later from behind the counter. Good romance is like baking a sweet pastry; it tastes better when you've watched its conception from step 1. Thanks, Ms. Jae :)

Robin Red said...

Not to mention the control. "Jeesh, I know you're 117, but you're not my father. Don't tell me what to do!"

Ava Jae said...

That's a really interesting way of putting it, Robin, but I think you're right. Thanks for the post suggestion and sharing your thoughts!

Margaret Alexander said...

Yeah, very true. Sometimes they purposely write the blurbs that way and the romance is actually a pleasant surprise, but it's rare. I wish insta-love wasn't in the majority. But then maybe the more valued romances wouldn't be as valued anymore.

Manisha India said...

You have to fall in romance first and get pained to write romance. By the way, Why don't you use favorite words.com for your list? It's a free tool, lacks some features but it's still in beta, so... I am pretty sure you'll love using it. Thanks for posting your words.

Kaitlin Hillerich said...

Great post! Insta-love is the bane of romance. What makes a good romance really work is the tension and anticipation of the characters getting together. That's why on t.v. shows writers always keep viewer's favorite characters apart. Because once they're together...well, that's sort of it. Most of the fun is in waiting for them to get together--Does he like her? Will they kiss? Will he ask her to dance? Will she confess her love? The anticipation is tantalizing.

Ava Jae said...

I agree! The anticipation is a huge part of it, and insta-love definitely cuts down on a lot of the romantic tension potential. Even when characters are together, tension is usually worked out by having them not get along, because then we want them to get back together! But when they're happy? Less interesting.

Elijah Decker said...

What romantic sub-plots in stories that start in medias res? In other words, would writing romantic relationship between characters whose relationship started before page one count as insta-love? I'm thinking of explaining how these characters got hitched by having them fondly reminisce about how they met, their first kiss, etc. Advice?

Ava Jae said...

Hi there! Characters who are already in a romance when a book starts do not count as being in an insta-love relationship. Insta-love is when two characters meet and fall pretty much immediately head-over-heels before even getting to know each other.


Many books have started with a couple already with a history, which is totally fine. Good luck! :)

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