I Was That Teenage Writer

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I was the teenage writer with big dreams.

I was the weird thirteen-year-old sitting at her desk during free period, huddled over a piece of paper with a pencil and a story rolling through her fingers.

I was the fourteen-year-old smiling shyly as her mother proudly announced to anyone who would listen that her teenager had written a book and was going to be published one day.

I was the fifteen-year-old who secretly enjoyed those English writing assignments and whipped out that four page essay so that she could get back to writing her next book.

I was the sixteen-year-old pretending to take notes in math class while actually writing a passage for her novel.

I was the seventeen-year-old disappointed with “I like this” non-critiques from Creative Writing class and anxiously dreaming all day about those query letters she sent out the night before.

I was the eighteen-year-old starting to realize that she might not be a published teenage writer after all, that she might not even get an agent as a teenager, that maybe her writing wasn’t as good as she thought it was.

I was the nineteen-year-old coming to terms with the fact that she may very well leave her teenage years with nothing to show for it except for many trunked manuscripts and a pile of rejection letters.

Here’s what I wasn’t as a teenager:

I wasn’t published.

I wasn’t agented.

I wasn’t a prodigy.

I wasn’t the next Christopher Paolini.

But now, looking back on those years, I’m glad I wasn’t any of those things. Because yes, I was a decently good writer for my age, and yes, I learned a lot from writing all of those books, and yes, it hurt to come to realize that I was going to have to give up my dream of being a published teenage writer. But at the end of it all, I was focused. I knew how to handle rejection (for the most part), I knew the value of patience (even if I struggled to maintain it), and I knew that time was on my side after all—that getting published wasn’t a race and I didn’t regret a second that I spent focused on my dream as a teenager.

Because it may have taken me a long time to come to terms with everything, but in the end, I know I’m a better writer for it.

I guess I just want to say this: to all you teenage writers out there, I know it’s tough. I know it sucks to give up so much to make your writing dream happen, and realize it might not happen in the time frame you were hoping for, even despite the sacrifices. I know it sucks to start writing young and have all your loved ones tell you how you’re going to be so successful because look how young you are and you wrote a book (or many books!), and meanwhile the clock is ticking and nothing seems to be happening and you start to wonder if maybe everyone’s just humoring you and you’re not that good after all.

I want to say that for those of you who are eighteen or nineteen or reaching that point of I may not be a published teenage writer after all, it’s ok. It’s more than ok. You’re not a failure for not getting published or agented as a teenager. You are amazing and talented and so very wonderful and I salute you. I salute you for hunkering down and chasing your dream while the rest of your friends goof off in class. I salute you for quietly taking rejection after rejection and continuing to write despite the pain. I salute you for not rushing to self-publish and taking your time to get your writing right, to really hone your craft.

What you’re doing isn’t easy. And if I’m being honest, it doesn’t really get easier. But it does get better. You’ll get better. Your writing will get better and you’ll be so glad for those manuscripts you had to put away and those rejections that branded your soul.

I guess I just want to say don’t give up if you don’t make your dream come true before you turn twenty. You’ve got your whole life ahead of you and as a bonus, you started on that path nice and early, which is pretty darn cool if you ask me.

Hang in there, pal. Everything is going to be ok.

Twitter-sized bites: 

Writer @Ava_Jae shares an open letter to all current and former teenage writers. (Click to tweet)  

"What you're doing isn't easy...but it does get better." #writinglife (Click to tweet)  

On Writing and Giving Up

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As a week of two major pitch contests came to a close over the weekend, it was inevitable that their respective Twitter feeds became a place of polar opposites. A record of ecstatic writers celebrating good news, and an echo of, well, everyone else.

But the truth of every contest is this—while there will always be a handful (or a couple handfuls, depending on the size of the contest) of winners, by and large, the majority of entrants will receive rejections. And many will write it off as just that—another rejection. Most will shrug it off and continue writing, and entering contests, and submitting to professionals with their eyes steadfast on the eventual goal of publication.

But unfortunately not everyone can handle the mounting rejections quite so well, and so every once in a while I see a writer throw their hands up and say, “That’s it. I’m done,” and it makes me sad.

It’s never an easy thing to see a dream die, regardless of whether or not the dream is yours or someone else’s. It’s never easy to see someone give up, to watch other writers buckle under the weight of rejection.

Because the truth is, writing is hard. But beyond that, the whole journey of the writer—from first draft of the first novel to final draft of their final (published or not) novel takes such a toll. Every book you write is exhausting, every rejection you receive—whether it’s a form letter or bad review hurts. We’re told not to take those things personally, but let’s face it—it feels personal. It’s not an easy thing to pour your heart and soul into a book, only to be told that it’s not good enough.

It sucks. Rejection sucks.

It makes me sad to see writers give up, because I understand why. It becomes exhausting to hear strangers and friends tell you to keep pushing on and keep writing when professionals keep slapping you with not good enough. The journey of the writer is an emotional rollercoaster—from hopeful maybe this is the one highs to crushing form rejection lows, and quite frankly, it can be really hard to handle.

The thing is, I can’t promise you that you’re going to be published one day—no one can. I can’t promise you that if you self-publish you’re going to sell enough copies to make those bestseller lists—I can’t even promise you that you’ll get decent reviews. What I can do is encourage, but even that isn’t enough sometimes, because the truth is, the decision to keep writing despite the disappointments has to be your own.

Everyone has the right to give up—and if you decide that the road of the writer isn’t for you, then that’s ok. It’s not for everyone, and deciding to take another path doesn’t make you a failure—it just means that the life of the writer wasn’t for you. And it’s ok.

But if you do give up, make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons. Give up because you realize you don’t really enjoy writing. Give up because there are other things you would rather be doing, because you aren’t happy when you write, because you have other dreams that you’d rather be chasing.

But don’t give up because you think yourself a failure (you’re not). Don’t give up because you’ve received twenty, or fifty, or a hundred rejections (so has every other published writer out there). Don’t give up because of bad reviews (even J.K. Rowling has them), or because you don’t think anyone will ever love your writing (someone will), or because despite your best efforts, your writing just isn’t there yet (EVERY writer goes through this stage). Don’t give up because you think you’ll never be published (no one can see the future) or because you’re tired of hearing “not yet” (“not yet” doesn’t mean “you never will”).

Every writer deals with rejection, some more than others. Every writer feels inadequate or entirely discouraged at times. Every writer gets told “no” and feels like publication is a dream that will never come true.

I’m not here to tell you not to give up. Just don’t give up for the wrong reasons.

Writing is Like...

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Imagine you’re walking through a desert. The Sahara. You have a bottle of water and a couple of packets of food in your backpack and a long, long road ahead. The sun is so hot you think you may actually be cooking alive and the air is baking in your lungs. You sip your warm water, but you can’t take much more because you know if you run out, you’re done.

Everywhere you turn looks the same—you’re not even entirely sure you’re walking straight anymore—haven’t you seen that dune before? You stagger in the sand and your tongue tastes like dust you can’t even remember what you were thinking coming out here. Where did you think you were going, anyway? When you scream for help, the most horrific sound answers you.

Silence.

Sometimes, this is what writing is like.  This is the middle of your journey, when every word fights you on its way to the page, when manuscripts and rejection letters start to gather in your drawers, when it feels like the words don’t even matter anymore because at this rate you’ll never see publication.

This is when writing is really hard. When keeping your dream alive is a battle. When people say you should get a real job and you start to wonder if maybe they’re right.

This is when you work on a manuscript for years and you start to wonder if all that trouble is really worth it. If maybe you’re setting yourself up for more failure and disappointment.

Now imagine you reach an oasis. There are trees here and beautiful, fresh water and snippets of green and life and it’s just so surreal and incredible but it’s real. You fill up your water bottle and wash your face and sit by the water’s edge—hell, you even go swimming.

Sometimes, this is what writing is like, too. This is the time when the writing flows, when you’re in love with your manuscript and your characters are coming to life before your very eyes and you know, you know this is what you love. This is when you finish a manuscript and celebrate with your family and friends. This is when your characters surprise you with a twist or act differently than you’d planned. This is when you read over something you wrote and can’t help but grin because you can hardly believe you put those words down yourself.

The oasis makes the desert worth it.

And you’ll know when you reach an oasis. You’ll know because it’ll feel right, because your dream will be more alive than ever, because you’re writing and it just feels so incredible and you could stay in this place forever.

Except you can’t. The oasis is a place of emotional rest. It’s the time for you to refill your water bottle and gather your strength and prepare to venture out into the unknown again. Because hard as you may try, you won’t stay in the oasis forever. The desert is out there, ahead you, standing between you and your dream.

The journey of the writer isn’t easy, friends. It’s long and sometimes lonely and often exhausting. And some days you’ll look up and see the desert around you and wonder if it’s hopeless. Some days the sheer magnitude of what you’re trying to accomplish will overwhelm you. Some days you’ll want to throw in the towel and say I’ve suffered enough.

That’s when you drink from your water bottle. That’s when you remember what made you want to write in the first place, what you love about your manuscript, what has kept you going all this time. That’s when you reach out to your community of writers and ask for some encouragement. That’s when you find someone to hug and you read your favorite book and you listen to some music and take a break and know that every writer goes through this.

Every. Single. One.

And that’s when you remember that you’re not alone. That there are others like you, stumbling through their own deserts, pushing ahead through the storms and doubts and fears so that one day they’ll see their dreams come true. Just like you.

That’s when you go out there and get back to work and keep writing until your fingers go numb. Because you’re a writer and that’s just what you do.

What tips do you have for getting through the writing desert?

Dear You,

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Yes, you. Reading this right now. I don’t care who you are, if you read this blog regularly, if you clicked the link that brought you here just for the hell of it or if you happened to stumble onto this page by accident.

This letter is for you.

You are beautiful, unique and loved. It doesn’t always feel like it, I know. Some days are rough and though you are part of a body of 7 billion people, you feel absolutely alone. Sometimes those days turn to weeks or months or more and it feels as though you need to fight for every moment in order to be heard, in order to be seen, in order for someone—anyone—to care.

But you are not alone. There are thousands of others out there feeling ugly, feeling forgotten, feeling insignificant and every one of them—EVERY SINGLE ONE—is wonderful and perfect.

You are perfect. Say that aloud: “I am perfect.” No, I don’t mean unflawed—every one of us has flaws—but if you continue to be true to yourself, you need not change a thing. 

Here’s another one. “I am beautiful and loved.” Say that twice a day; once when you wake in the morning and before you go to bed at night. We don’t hear it enough. The world likes to make us think that we must be tall, blonde and a hundred pounds to be beautiful. But they’ve been lying to us. Lying to you. Lying to me.

You are already beautiful and wonderful because you are unique. You are YOU. You have a birthday, a favorite song, a family, and when you close your eyes at night you dream of faraway places and impossible lands. There are days when the tears never run out and days when you laugh so much it hurts to breathe. Inhale deeply for a moment—remember that you are alive, that every breath is a new one, that every second is a moment that is uniquely you.

You are beautiful. You are unique. You are loved. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Enjoy today, friend. Today, just as every day, like you, is special. Go outside and enjoy the fresh air. Smile. Read your favorite book, listen to your favorite song. Treat yourself to something delicious because you deserve it. Smile again—it’s good for you! 

Get in touch with someone you haven’t spoken to in a while, but you wish you had. They’ll be glad to hear your voice again. Maybe they’ll cry a little, maybe they’ll laugh or maybe they won’t answer at all. I don’t know but try anyway because our family, our friends, they are the ones that have loved us from the beginning and will love us until the end.

Now, I know there are some of you without a family, I haven’t forgotten about you. Go out and create your own family. Find people you can trust, people you can hold on to for the rest of your life and spend holidays with. Maybe you don’t have anyone like that yet, and that’s ok. There are good people out there, waiting for you. They don’t know it yet, and it might take some time to find them, but they’re there, I promise, and you’ll know when you’ve found them.

Dear you, don’t let the world get you down. Don’t give up on your dreams and most of all don’t ever forget how beautiful and wonderful you truly are.

Now, go on. Enjoy today. Enjoy tomorrow. Enjoy every day, because every day is new and made for you.

And when you’re feeling down, read this again and remember how wonderful and perfect you really are.