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| Photo credit: pabak sarkar on Flickr |
Of course, I know I’m definitely not alone with these feelings.
Please tell me that everyonehits a point in a draft where they truly hate their book and can't remember why they thought it was a good idea.
— Olivia Hinebaugh (@OliveJuiceLots) May 12, 2015
Writing is a really personal experience. Even when you’re not intentionally making it personal or making parallels to your own life, it’s impossible to write without putting parts of yourself into the work, even subconsciously.
Every stage of the writing process has its own moments of terror: whether it’s the brainstorming panic of how will I ever write this book I’ve built up in my head? or the mid-draft my writing sucks block, or the finished draft what the hell did I just write? Then of course there are revisions which come with their own set of anxieties and insecurities that often run along the lines of how am I supposed to fix all of this?
To be honest, I don’t really have a solution or way to avoid this. It’s part of the process, and it’s scary when it happens. But the best remedies I’ve found are to keep going and/or talk to your critique partners (or agent, if that’s something you and your agent do).
But I think the important thing to remember is it does pass. And when you hit this point, know that it’s okay. It’s normal. It’s largely unavoidable and just about every writer goes through it repeatedly.
Experience it. Acknowledge it. Then move on. Just don’t let it paralyze you.
Have you experienced some writer insecurities? How do you get past it?
Twitter-sized bites:
Writer @Ava_Jae says, "it's impossible to write without putting parts of yourself into the work." What do you think? (Click to tweet)
How do you get past writerly insecurities? Join the discussion on @Ava_Jae's blog. (Click to tweet)
24 comments:
So...I'm the CP who melted when she read #NerdyWIP. It is amazing. :-) It makes me feel better to know that despite how great it is, you sometimes feel insecure too.
I go through the high of loving the premise, the concept, the emotions. Then at some point, I hit the bottom where it is all just crap on top of crap. *sigh* I'm kind of at that point now. How I'm handling it is to tell myself that when my month of waiting time is over and I can revise again, I'll see the promise of what it could be some day. First drafts aren't supposed to be works of art.
When it's not a first draft...I agree. Talk to CPs, review agent feedback if there is any. Also listen to music that inspired me, re-read to remember what I loved about it. Or, eventually, work on something new.
Laura! You're so sweet. Thank you. :) And it's true, I'm definitely not immune to insecurity.
What you said about first drafts not being a work of art is so important, especially when you hit that gross point with first drafting. I think part of the reason I race through first drafts is because I'm racing against myself—I figure if I write it fast enough, I won't have time to doubt myself or start thinking about how terrible it might actually be. It sometimes works. Sometimes not so much.
I like the music idea, and re-reading sometimes helps (though I find that re-reading can also have its up/down moments, depending). But reviewing feedback can help, and pushing through despite the insecurity is ultimately what gets you out of it. Eventually.
Thanks for sharing! :)
I just bypassed this stage of the WIP. Okay, I haven't bypassed it, but the beta responses I've got so far have managed to restore some of my confidence, or at least my ability to revise. The worst thing about it isn't realising something sucks, because that happens in every single stage of writing, but that at some point it becomes paralysing.
I was once part of a collab/discussion post on solutions for writer insecurities (http://paperfury.com/what-to-do-when-you-think-your-writing-sucks/) and the general consensus is: CPs and betas, a break, and food. Lots of food. I think every writer consumes insane amounts of their comfort food.
So, while writing the manuscript I recently finished, I had this huge, dark night of the soul after receiving some very critical feedback from a CP. I let it tear me down, to point where I considered not only throwing away that manuscript (how could it still be SO bad?) ... but even, for a terrible moment, whether I was cut out to be a writer at all.
Overreacting to feedback aside, I kept going because I didn't know what to do with myself if I wasn't a writer. It's like there's something in my blood that screams, "Write, write, write!" every day, and I feel like I'm starving if i go too long without it. So I picked myself up, and said, "Let's see what I can do." And I pulled through some more revisions, and now I have a shiny new manuscript that's been receiving positive and encouraging feedback. And if this one doesn't get published, I'll try again with the new one I'm writing. Because writing is a process, and it takes time and skill. And I think it can be easy to forget that sometimes, when we see all the awesome that is being published by the authors we love, but we don't get to see all the work each of them put in to get there.
I've really appreciated along the way conversations with other writers that reassure me writing many drafts is a normal part of the process, throwing out lots of material is a normal part of the process, and that questioning myself is a normal part of the process, too. These honest conversations keep me going ... and push me to constantly do my best and challenge myself with my work.
Oh hey, I currently hate my WIP! Or at least, I'm sick of it. It was in draft 4 when I realized the conflict wasn't strong enough overall, so the whole MS got gutted and rewritten. On draft 2.5? of revamped version and I am itching to do ANYTHING else. I did send this to a freelance editor for big picture stuff and she was very complimentary. I know there's *something* here, but I think I need to add in the rest of the editor changes and then step away. It's so hard to tell when a project has been worked to death.
My WIP kind of was born out of an insecurity about going to college—if I don't know what I want to do, how can going to college be a good idea? When I finally found a college that I think I can pay for and I think I can learn at, I notice that my WIP is basically all of my insecurities but in plot form, and now that I don't have them I worry that I can't take them out. I don't really know what to do about it, yet, but I think just moving forward eventually gets you where you need to be. I hope.
Thanks for sharing, Ava Jae! We all know what you mean. Some days, it seems every word you write is complete shit. Sometimes it really is shit, sometimes it just feels like that. Either way, the best thing to do is return to your writing the next day.
Yes yes yes to all of this. I recently learned that a break between drafts is invaluable, and I use that time to work on something totally different, so at least I'm still writing. Stephen King says he even wrote several of his more famous novellas (The Body and Shawshenk, I believe) while taking a break from longer works.
Also this is my go-to just-keep-at-it quote:
"Sometimes you have to go on when you don't feel like it, and sometimes you're doing good work when it feels like all you're managing is to shovel shit from a sitting position.” --Stephen King (of course)
I go through this multiple times when drafting. I think the worst part is when I'm writing for the sake of getting words on the page and I know I'll have to delete them later, but I need to get through the drafting part before I can fix them. (This is one reason I'm starting to prefer revising, although I always go through a stage in editing where I get overwhelmed and think I've made the book worse, not better!)
I read a post on Susan Dennard's blog about keeping a list of reasons why you love the project, and I've found that helps on those days when I wonder why I started in the first place!
It is an emotional roller coaster at times, and no easier now, towards the end of this ms when the well feels so dry that I wonder if I can ever write another one. I know what to do - relax and read - and it will all start to flow again, but still it's a scary, edge of the abyss feeling. Keeping going is the only thing that keeps me going.
I'm so there right now. I'm not *quite* at the point where my insecurity is preventing me from moving forward, but in doing a re-read while waiting for some edit notes, I'm just, you know, going ahead and questioning EVERYTHING about the manuscript. I should probably just wait for those notes, huh? ;D
I think you're right that sometimes it hits harder than others, and sometimes a break can definitely help. Another thing I find helps is to brainstorm until I figure how to fix whatever it is that I'm worried about...but getting to that point can be difficult at times.
Betas and CPs are definitely a great help. And food. Food is good. lol
"And I think it can be easy to forget that sometimes, when we see all the awesome that is being published by the authors we love, but we don't get to see all the work each of them put in to get there."
THIS. I also completely agree about being reassured by other writers (especially ones I look up to) who talk openly about their process and all the hard work (and abandoned manuscripts) behind their careers. And I kind of find blogging about it helpful too, maybe because it forces me to confront it? Who knows? :)
Sometimes taking a break helps. And sometimes if you're really just not feeling it anymore, you need to put it away for a bit and work on something else. It really depends on the manuscript and your feelings for the project. I have, in the past, put away a project thinking I wasn't going to go back to it, then read it over again later on and fallen in love with it all over again. If you find that a short break and looking over positive feedback and the suggestions isn't helping, then it might be time for a longer break, which is totally okay! Up to you either way. There isn't a wrong choice. :)
I think it's okay for insecurities to be built into your character (I'm assuming that's what you mean?). People do have those kinds of insecurities and if you wrote it into a workable plot, then I don't see a problem. :)
You're welcome, Jeremy! And I definitely agree—ultimately the only thing we can do is to keep working.
Ohhh I love that quote! And yes, I do think that working on another project in between can definitely help. I'm currently juggling three unsold projects (well, mostly two with a third waiting) and every time I go back to one after working on another it feels really refreshing to jump into a new story again. :)
I definitely understand the first drafting insecurities. Occasionally (like, I think probably twice) I'll have a manuscript that flows really well and I don't worry too much about it, but most of the time, first drafting is the scariest part of the process. Creating something out of nothing will always remain scarier than fixing something that's already there, in my mind.
I actually read that Susan Dennard post a while ago, but I forgot about it! Great reminder, thanks Emma!
I definitely sympathize with you Elizabeth, and you're totally right—those breaks are essential between drafts. We need time to recharge before diving into a new project (or a new revision round).
Definitely, yes. And I think, probably after, too. But it's okay and it's normal.
lol! That's specifically why I don't look at my manuscript while waiting for edit notes. I'd drive myself crazy finding minor errors and questioning everything. :D
Yeah, money is definitely a big factor lol. That's also true about the real-time thing, there are some series that I fell in love with book one right after it was released, so I have to have the sequels ASAP. Other times I don't start a series until after it's already had a few books published, and in those cases I sometimes wait until it's been fully published so I can binge buy. :D
This is a really great post! I'm currently dreading editing the novel I'm working on because I'm falling behind and I have a really tight word count for it. I know it will pass it always does, but it does give me that uneasy feeling.
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Thanks, VictoriaGrace! Editing can definitely be scary, and I totally get that anxiety. You're right though—the feeling will pass and the key is to just keep working through it!
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