How (Not) to Be a NaNoWriMo Champ

Photo credit: rachel a. k. on Flickr

With the excitement for NaNoWriMo surrounding the writing world, and preparations for thirty days of mad writing beginning, many of you wonderful writers are probably now wondering what it takes to be a NaNoWriMo winner, so you can win some fantastic prizes and have 50,000 new words two months from now.

So without further ado, I present to you the infallible keys to becoming a NaNoWriMo champ.

Ten Foolproof Secrets to Winning NaNoWriMo*

1. Don't come up with your new WIP idea until November 1st. Where's the fun in knowing what you're going to write about beforehand? 


2. Don't think about daily word count goals. Those are for amateurs who strangle themselves with over planning and actually try to write every day (I mean really, who writes every day? Yeesh). 


3. Write only when you feel inspired. You don't want to waste your precious time writing uninspired (and thus, uninspiring) junk, do you? I didn't think so. You writing should be beautiful and life-changing, but that kind of genius only comes when you're inspired. 


4. Listen to inspiring music like Pavarotti and Gangnam Style all month long. Preferably on a constant loop. 


5. If you don't like it—rewrite it. It doesn't matter if you have to rewrite it a hundred times before you move on to the next chapter, just make sure it's perfect the first time around. Otherwise you'll have to edit later, and you're too talented for editing. 


6. Live off of Starbucks and/or Red Bull. And nothing else. This is the food of the gods. Don't corrupt your body with non-writerly foods like fruits and—*shudder*—vegetables. 


7. Ignore the other writers. It's National Novel Writing Month not National Make Friends With Everyone Who is Writing a Novel Month. 


8. Choose every word carefully. Remember, while everyone else is pounding out 50,000 words that they'll have to rewrite later, you're writing a masterpiece. 


9. Polish, polish, polish. It has to be PERFECT. The essence of perfection, these words. 


10. When you realize your writing is terrible—start over. Don't settle for anything less than writing deserving of the Nobel Prize. If that means starting from scratch, so be it. Everyone else may have 50,000 words at the end of the month, but you'll have the beginnings of the book that's going to make you a millionaire. 

*Like the rest of my How (Not) to posts, these "tips" are not meant to be taken seriously. If you do the opposite of most of these things, I'm sure you'll do just fine during NaNo. Good luck!

Now it's your turn: what so-called "tips" would you add to the list?