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| Photo credit: poppet with a camera on Flickr |
As my critique partners and betas I’ve traded with know all too well, I’m rather sensitive about filter phrases. The more I work to try to eliminate them from my writing, the more I notice them in other people’s writing (including published works), so when I get the chance to critique, I frequently slash them from sentences or encourage the author to slash them for their sentences.
I am aware, however, that not everyone knows what I mean when I rant about filter phrases, so read this article by Chuck Palahniuk.
Have you read it? No? I’ll wait. Yes? Read it again. Seriously.
I have linked to this article so many times that all I have to do is type “chuck” in my Google chrome search bar and the article comes up before I even hit enter. To say that I think this article is important is basically the understatement of the year. Why? Because it totally changed how I look at my writing.
In case you don’t read it, filter phrases are phrases like thought, knew, remembered, realized, smelled, saw, wondered, felt, etc. that distance the reader from the narrative. Why? Because they are, essentially, filtering the events through writer-speak. They’re a form of telling and a surefire sign for you, the writer, that you could make that sentence stronger.
Let’s try a couple examples so you know what I mean. Filter phrases are bolded.
Meh: I heard something creak behind me and I wondered if I was being followed.
Fixed: Something creaked behind me. Was I being followed?
Meh: As I turned the corner, I saw him sitting against the wall, his face buried in his arms. I thought he was crying, but then he looked up at me, smiled, and I heard him say, “Hey.”
Yay!: When I turned the corner, he was sitting against the wall, his face buried in his arms. Was he…crying? But then he looked up at me and smiled. “Hey.”
So obviously these aren’t perfect examples, but hopefully you get the idea.
Now, this isn’t to say that you can’t ever use filter phrases, or that a couple filter phrases here and there will ruin your book. Like all things in writing, there are certainly situations where filters can work.
However, by and large, filter phrases are really overused, and if you take the time to hunt them down and replace them with deeper POV, I think you’ll find that your writing will be much stronger for it.
What do you think? Do you try to avoid filter phrases in your writing?
Twitter-sized bite:
Do you use filter phrases? @Ava_Jae talks how to spot them & why you should remove them from your writing. (Click to tweet)
26 comments:
Please correct your use of the word "hopefully". It's a red flag for people who have no business advising others how to write. Thank you.
I think everyone I've ever worked with on writing has received that AMAZING article with an all-caps: read this, I don't know how to explain it. But this is one of my primary ways to eliminate telling; personally, I find these filter phrases a really handy flag for picking these out. Or when a particular scene isn't working, I do a quick check for these too in case it's the issue. (Often it is, since I'm not so careful when I'm drafting :P)
Yes! I totally agree—and it's something I definitely look out for in my writing too (and something my CPs turn around and like to point out to me heh heh). But you're right, it's a pretty good marker for telling that could be relatively easily removed.
Oh my goodness! It's like you read my mind. This weekend I'm combing through a manuscript specifically to hunt down filter words--the pesky beasts. Articles like this (and Chuck Palahniuk's) have been a big help in improving this aspect of my writing.
I use a program called AutoCrit that helps me find these phrases so I can edit and revise them out. Now into my fourth book I find that I just don't use them as much. My brain stops my fingers from typing them :)
I agree that deleting filter phrases can make such a huge impact, and I definitely see myself using one whole editing draft just to spot out filter phrases and eliminate them. Without filter phrases writing is so much tighter, and that's really what I strive to be able to do. And now I'm off to read that article because I apparently need it in my writing life.
Great post! I read Chuck Palahniuk's article just last week (through one of your Fixing the First Page posts) and again just now. I find this a succinct and essential companion to it, so if you weren't already planning to I would highly recommend linking people here from now on, rather than directly to that article.
Yours is friendlier:
As insightful as it was, I found his article off-putting for its heavy-handedness. I came away feeling like I'm a lazy bum and should be embarrassed if I dare to use a single filter phrase. You on the other hand are promoting the same train of thought while letting people know that filter phrases still have their place, with which I definitely agree.
Your examples are clearer:
I thought most of his examples sounded forced/awkward/unfocused. I think it's because he was trying to demonstrate two closely-related yet distinct concepts at once, first, the "show don't tell" aspect of replacing filter phrases and second, the "un-packing" of sentences. Both your examples demonstrate the former with beautiful simplicity, without adding a whole bunch of extraneous information as he did.
I know that I've been getting some feedback lately and I'm way overusing filler phrases. I always feel uncomfortable using rhetorical questions (I criticize authors when we just have narrators questioning everything because I don't care) but it may be a good way to cut words. I'm not ready to cut on filler phrases just yet (we'll fix plot first) but then, I shall dive in. Because I am brave. And also it is necessary.
Really nicely explained! A trick I've very recently learned is that I'm better at catching these in my own writing after I've printed it out and am looking at it on an actual sheet of paper. Not environmentally friendly, I know, but looking at your story in a different light is so key to being able to edit properly.
I've noticed this happen a lot in workshop too. (And yeah, once you notice it in others, it's impossible not to notice it in your own writing!) I remember last semester there was one girl in particular that had a lot of "I saw..." and "I looked at..." before she began any description and it kind of felt incredibly distancing on top of being repetitive. It really is better to just launch into a description or action or thought. Deeper POV is the way to go~
So glad the timing worked out so perfectly for you, Sam! Chuck Palahniuk's article was huge for my writing. Not that I don't ever use filter phrases now, but I use them a lot less (and know what to look out for!).
That...that sounds amazing. AutoCrit, huh? I'll have to look into that...
Yes! I hope you read it and found it helpful! And I agree—it definitely tightens up the writing, which I think can work to improve writing pretty universally. :)
Oh wow! Thanks, so much Paul! I'm flattered. I didn't really get the heavy-handedness from the article when I was reading, but I can see how you might read it that way. Glad to hear you thought my post worked better. :D
Yeah. They're pretty great. I use the online software just for the copy edit process (after developmental edits and critiquing, etc). It's my second-to-last pass before publication to weed out all the extraneous words. http://www.autocrit.com
So, I tend to think that when it's from the POV of your character, it's not rhetorical (because they do want an answer and they are wondering). It's how our brains work—when we're thinking about something, we don't think "I wondered what he was doing" we think closer to "What is he doing?" So it's the same idea. :)
But yes, as far as revisions go, filter phrases are something you worry about when you get to line edits, and not before.
That's so interesting! I wonder if it'd be the same if you changed the font or something...hmm. I may have to experiment with that.
Agreed! And yes, it's the sort of thing that once you start noticing it, you notice it more and more and more. Especially lately I've been honing in on it even when pleasure reading, which has been weird. lol
Good to know! It looks interesting. Might be fun to experiment with. :)
I so appreciate this post! I just referred back to it and sent it to a friend after going over her short story. Thanks!
You're so welcome, Paige! And thanks for the referral! :)
I find using Scrivener to compile it into epub, then use calibre to convert it to mobi. Read it on your kindle and because it reads like a finished book you pick up a lot more as you would reading someone else's work.
You know, I've used Scrivener to compile it and put it on my iPad before, which has helped remove the temptation to edit. I may have to keep playing with different formatting ideas!
I never thought about this before, & it really makes me look at my writing differently. But does this go the same for dialogue? I know you're supposed to stay away from the word 'said,' but many of the replacements I like to use show up in your category of filter phrases. An example would be:
"Wait--you actually hate this green sweater?" I realized slowly.
'Realized' is in your list of no-no's, but I'm conflicted about eliminating it. Any advice?
Yes! I do have a tip, actually—don't get rid of said. lol
I've also seen people say that you should avoid "said" but if I'm 100% honest, I think it's not the best advice. Said is actually a pretty invisible word in that people read over it without noticing it. When you start to use a lot of replacements, they are noticeable. So in your example:
"Wait—you actually hate this sweater?" I realized slowly.
"Realized slowly" draws much more attention to itself than "said" would.
So this advice is probably conflicted what you've already heard, but I absolutely encourage you not to be afraid of said.
As for your question, yes I would still avoid filter phrases in dialogue tags. In your example, I'd said "realized" is actually redundant—we can see your character is coming to the realization in the actual dialogue. :)
I hope this helps! If you have any more questions, please don't hesitate to ask.
Thanks for your help!
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