tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-606209712314101104.post8065630695623287120..comments2023-12-26T18:33:04.681-08:00Comments on Writability: Fixing the First Page Feature #8Gabe (Ava Jae)http://www.blogger.com/profile/04778524723148508140noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-606209712314101104.post-28672522667129532132015-03-10T17:54:00.782-07:002015-03-10T17:54:00.782-07:00You can enter again if you'd like. :)You can enter again if you'd like. :)Ava Jaehttp://avajae.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-606209712314101104.post-3149064488771512002015-03-10T17:53:23.296-07:002015-03-10T17:53:23.296-07:00Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Sioux! Much appr...Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Sioux! Much appreciated!Ava Jaehttp://avajae.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-606209712314101104.post-27064051417621373132015-03-02T22:04:06.555-08:002015-03-02T22:04:06.555-08:00I have to agree with you, Sioux Trett. Though it&#...I have to agree with you, Sioux Trett. Though it's a legit word (it's in the dictionary), there's so many better ways to show her anxiety about the date. <br /><br />Can I enter this contest again? I'm having way too much fun here.Linda Strawnnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-606209712314101104.post-7069555746516406502015-03-01T11:50:01.563-08:002015-03-01T11:50:01.563-08:00I agree with Ava Jae on most of the red-line, and ...I agree with Ava Jae on most of the red-line, and I agree that we need to see how she feels about this. Having the description is all good, but we have to feel what's behind it. My only other comment... am I the only one bothered by "dozenth?" I'm sure it's a legit word, but it's weird. Starting off with a word that immediately takes me out of the story to ponder the word choice doesn't seem like a good idea. BUT that may just be a me thing. Overall, a good start.Sioux Trettnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-606209712314101104.post-51854523142435265752015-02-28T06:57:05.977-08:002015-02-28T06:57:05.977-08:00Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Morten! :)Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Morten! :)Ava Jaehttp://avajae.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-606209712314101104.post-49477174644072575282015-02-28T06:56:55.325-08:002015-02-28T06:56:55.325-08:00You're so welcome, Linda! I'm happy to hel...You're so welcome, Linda! I'm happy to help however I can. :) <br /><br /><br />Good luck with your writing!Ava Jaehttp://avajae.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-606209712314101104.post-59014229533241146872015-02-28T06:56:36.669-08:002015-02-28T06:56:36.669-08:00After we learn she doesn't like Kurt, I interp...After we learn she doesn't like Kurt, I interpreted her looking at the clock as being nervous about him arriving (rather than excited), but I can see how that could potentially be a point of confusion as well. I also think the botched date sounds important (and interesting!), so I'd be curious about how it could potentially be integrated more. Not necessarily at the beginning if the story doesn't start there (hard to say, when we've only seen 250 words), but it sounds important enough to at least bring in a little more, assuming that isn't done in later pages. <br /><br /><br />Thanks for sharing your thoughts, N!Ava Jaehttp://avajae.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-606209712314101104.post-42354188829053540872015-02-27T17:20:14.735-08:002015-02-27T17:20:14.735-08:00Thank you! I'm encouraged by your words. =DThank you! I'm encouraged by your words. =DLinda Strawnnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-606209712314101104.post-31218327719370121402015-02-27T15:54:03.082-08:002015-02-27T15:54:03.082-08:00Nah. I disagree. I actually liked it. I am impress...Nah. I disagree. I actually liked it. I am impressed, I would have jumped straight into this book, if only my TBR list wasn't soo long already. The voice and pace is pretty much my taste and it has motivated me to comment signing its praises, which is not something I do for just about anything.<br />Keep up the good work Strawn.Morten Aleksander U. Iversennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-606209712314101104.post-9029571667091629792015-02-27T15:44:32.670-08:002015-02-27T15:44:32.670-08:00Thanks for taking the time to critique my first 25...Thanks for taking the time to critique my first 250. Wow! I'm impressed with everything you said. I just joined a new crit group and some of their feedback had to do with Libby's actions conflicting with her attitude toward Kurt as well as the need for clarity overall. I'm so glad I entered the contest and got picked. It's exciting and humbling at the same time. <br />You're good at this, Ava Jae!Linda Strawnnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-606209712314101104.post-75722526635350833272015-02-27T13:11:13.891-08:002015-02-27T13:11:13.891-08:00For me, one of the things that stood out to me was...For me, one of the things that stood out to me was the use of the word sauntered. I just didn't get why Jayne sauntered if the two girls were alone and there was no one for her to impress by sauntering. Maybe if she was already behind the counter and doing something in the kitchen it would be better?<br /><br />It was a little jarring to see Libby checking the clock like she can't wait for Kurt to arrive and then have her suddenly not like him. Actually, the botched date seems like it could be an important plot point. If the story started before the previous date, with Libby genuinely excited and then showing the date falling apart, that could be a better opening.Nnoreply@blogger.com